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That One Love. The first ever.

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : admin | In : First Love

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Hi guys. Today I want to write about this guy who i fell in love with almost five years back.

Unlike other couples, we met very tragically- you could say it was all destiny. Back then in 2008, we use to have this option called “Mobile Dating” in our phones, which was a service offered by BSNL. You just have to create a profile on your mobile and then you would be given few names and you can select any and send them messages. The phone number didn’t get revealed, it was just the id which was shown and the message path was some weird “555000..” type of number.

Anyway, so once, I got a text a from an id named “eudi”.

Eudi- hi how are you

kweenangel(my id)- hi i m fine. where are u from?

Eudi- i am from dhubri and u?

(Dhubri is a place in Assam and gladly, I was from assam too. Just not the same town)

kweenangel- i m from guwahati

So, this way we started talking and exchanged our numbers. And everyday, he used to call me. We didn’t talk much but we used to call each and I got the signs that he likes me. So one night, we were just messaging each other discussing about  our likes and some other things when for something I told him, “I think you are going mad.” To which, he replied, “Yes I am going mad in your love.” I said, “What? How?” He said, “The way you talk! Uff, main tere pyaar mein deewana ho gaya hu.” I started laughing but I don’t know why, I couldn’t refuse him. The date was 16th august, 2008.

And this way we started dating. I used study in a boarding school where we were not allowed to keep phones with us and we could just call home on weekends for 15 minutes. So on 23rd august i was leaving early in the morning. And the amount I cried on 22nd august, I can’t describe it in words. I sat in the washroom and cried for hours. I just didn’t want to leave him and go. He asked me to mail my picture to him. I thought he wouldn’t like the way I look and he will leave me for it so I searched for a very pretty girl’s image on Google and sent it to him. And after seeing the photo, he fell even deeper for me.. He mailed to some senti songs and then I put them into my i-pod and next day I left for school. We promised to write letters and e-mails to each other, which we did regularly. That was the first love letter I ever received in my life. All my friends read it even before i could get to read it. i read it over and over again for more than 10-20 times and that night I slept with the letter. (haha. stupid, i know)

Then one day, he again asked for my pictures and since it was already 6 months to our relationship, I sent him my real photo. He didn’t react to it. He just told me “You look so different.” He didn’t say even a single thing. Then when I called him on the weekend, he found out I had lied to him but we didn’t discuss much on it as he looked for love, not looks. For me, it was the same. Then came april, 2009 when we met for the first time. I had gone on an excursion trip to Shillong and he came to meet me in shillong and stayed in the same hotel where we were staying. I was pretty scared of getting caught by my teacher so I didnt stay with him for a long time. At night before leaving for his room, i just softly called him and kissed his cheek. Our love was the purest form of love I’ve ever experienced.

Then soon in may, he told me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship as he feels relationships don’t last. I didn’t want to force him so I let him go. But I always waited for him because I knew it was his first time as well as mine and the bonding between us was different. Then after almost half an year, around in September, he came back. He sent me a message on Orkut, asking me to call him. I called him on the weekend and he apologized for leaving me that way. And I remember, 12th November, 2009, was the day he first said those four magical words to me, “Will you marry me?” I can’t even describe my feelings. For a moment, I was just silent and then I said “Of course I will.”

And that way, we stayed together for four years. He had this calling me “jaan” every single time that he had to tell me I love you. Though, he said it pretty lesser than often but yes, each time he did, his confession of love use to music to my ears each time I heard them. I could feel it right there in my heart that what he is saying is true and my reply was a reflex of my emotions. The deeper the love, the lengthier were our arguments. We faced a lot in our relationships. We fought almost daily. Broke up many times but patched up again. Sometimes I made mistakes, sometimes he did. He is the first guy who has ever cried for me. I think distance was the reason which held us so strong. Maybe. All I knew was for me, Lohit was life. Nothing else mattered. I didn’t need anybody but just him.

But finally, our fights increased to such an extent that we started abusing each other. Our heated arguments paved a way for our destruction and soon our relationship turned into a piece of trash. My entire world, that fairy tale world that I had built around me wherein it was Lohit and I and our to be family came crashing down. It had become too much for me to bear as I had never been in love. I didn’t want it to end because I knew we were a forever kind of a thing but things had to stop somewhere because we were losing ourselves in our relationship.

So after our fourth anniversary, I broke up. He did try to call me back and try to sort things but I just behaved in the same rude manner that he used to behave in and soon, he got over me. I asked him to return all my letters, gifts, etc. And he did. For once, I behaved like one strong individual woman who does not need a man for her happiness but little did I realize that Lohit was happiness. Once I received my letters back, I re-read each one of them and I happened to realize that what fools were we to break something that was so precious and valuable. We were truly and madly in love with each other. I know people say it’s easy and shit but losing someone who brought love into your life just breaks you somewhere within. i always knew that somewhere within he still loved me but our relationship became a waste.

There were days when I wouldn’t want to leave my bed because I didn’t want to start another day of my life without my Lohit in it. I have gone through it all, sleepless nights, tears soaked pillows, loud howls in the shower and above all that, missing my lost mother somewhere within him. I think that’s life, we all move on in the end. He did and I did too. I met this another man in my life post that and then another and then another but somethings just don’t leave your heart. Lohit is now a far off dream, a beautiful memory etched within my heart. I would say, he’s my confidant. I can confide into him for anything at all and I know he’d never judge me. That one precious relationship of my heart that I would always reminisce and cherish.

But today why is this heart at ache? Why is suddenly all so lonely? It’s been more than four years now that we broke up then why all of a sudden this empty sort of a feeling? Dreams can really move us, I must say! Last night, I dreamed of being with him. I dreamed of my family, his family and Lohit and I chatting in the dark. That was a serene feeling. A two or three hour dream where I was at my happy place. All these days in the recent past, I had been too confused with my life. With all other portions of my life being complete, this heart was always empty. Though my sisters always teased me that I could never love anyone else apart from Lohit, I shrugged off their comments like a joke. But all of a sudden this feelings is just so weird. I am happy and broken at the same time. I spoke to him today and asked him to visit me just once. This is this urge inside me, this fire inside my belly, to see this man in my life just one more time. The moment he said he might come, this urge just grew and since then I just cannot stop thinking about him. Life has changed, I have changed but what is this changed feeling inside me? I’m yet to find out.

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