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Welcome to the Love Story Blog of Love-Sessions.

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12 days to go

Posted on : 06-01-2010 | By : manu831raj | In : Romance Love Story

Tags: , , ,


u know wen a baby is born and how it needs its mother or else it will probably cry a lot? well raj is like this mother and im the baby…the only difference is that the baby will cry and i will die…..i need him so that i could survive. i need to be able to talk to him and spend time with him. hes everything to me. Raj is leaving to go to india for 3 weeks…hes leaving on december 26th i dont kno how im going to survive. but he has to go for a wedding and almost every year most indian familes try to go to india for a short visit. So since we are also indian, we try to go to india every year too. To us our family has a huge importance in our life. for me, my family starts and ends with raj..nobody else. 12 more days left till he’s going. It’s hard to even think about the time that he’s going to be gone for…..3 weeks…wow. It still hasnt hit me that Raj is leaving in 12 days….i guess my heart doesnt want to admit it. You know in life, people whine about so many things and yet we have so much…. we cry about a pimple on our face, or bad clothings but we never look at the things that we have. I thank god so many times a day for giving me a husband like Raj. I don’t want anything but him. Today my aunt in India passed away. She has a 4-5 month year old baby. Life is such a harsh place and yet, we think we have it the worst. Im so happy to have raj in my life….i can’t explain it more than i already have said. It’s just this feeling that you get when you know that wen u come home, you’ll have somebody waiting for u. It feels amazing to know that even if u screw up on everything, you’ll have someone by ur side….to comfort you….to love you unconditionaly. No matter how many times i make a mistake, he’ll always say it’s okay….I just can’t think about coming home and not having somebody to talk to for three whole weeks….my parents are busy with their life, my siblings r just young and stupid, and i….im jus always left alone, (till raj came into my life, obviously). I never got the love from my parents……It all started wen i was in 2nd grade. I was on stage, about to sing a song with my chorus group. My eyes searched for my parents so many times…but no….they werent there. Each time somebody would walk into the gym, i would expect it to be my parents or atleast one of them, but it would be some other kid’s parents. I performed and i was happy from the outside, but i was hurt from the inside. It sucks to wait there alone for your parents to come and pick you up. For one hour i stood outside waiting for them to come. After that show, they never ever came to any of my other shows. They wud drop me off and pick me up….that was my life. Every morning i would go to school with an empty stomache, i would take the bus on rainy stormy days and make my way through the crowd in the gym to get to my friends. At home, i would wash dishes and just do some work. In 3rd grade, i learned to do my own hair. In our religion, long uncut hair is very sacred so i decided to keep my hair long and uncut. You don’t have to keep your hair long and uncut, but it’s just something that some people choose to do. It’s a way of showing your religon’s pride. There are many stories behind this concept, maybe i will explain in another entry. Anyways so I started to braid my hair in one long ponytail and i went to my church during the summer for camp, each year. At this camp, we learned about our religon and our god. I started to learn many different types of things and i became more closer to god rather than fashion, which is what most girls choose to do. In 5th grade we moved to another part of the suburbs and then i met Raj in 7th grade. I still hung out with my friends, i had a normal life just like any other girl. Today, i wake up, braid my hair, get ready and take the bus and go to school and redo the whole cycle all over again. I still have friends, it’s just that i dont have any close friends and i like it this way. I already have raj so i don’t need someone else to be extra close to me. Well why did i tell u this? Because, i wanted you to know why i am how i am today. I’am mature because of my experiences. I’m not saying that im wise about everything, in fact i have many things to learn and many challenges ahead of me. From 2nd grade to 7th grade, i was always alone and my parents never really took care of me. They just fed me and they were usually nice to me. By 4th grade, i was independent…i always did my work and got over little stupid problems in life. Somtimes during 2-3rd grade, I wanted somebody to hold me in their arms and say it’s okay. And when i met raj, i knew that my somebody was him. So in the past two years, raj and i got to know each other very well. I started to talk to him everyday. When i come home i imed/call him and i still do. We talk to each other for the whole day. We talk from 3:30pm to whenever we want to go to sleep. Now, raj is like my drug. When you get addicted to a drug, it’s hard to let go of it. And when i think of the fact that he’s going to leave on the 26th for 3 weeks….it breaks my heart. It’s like taking a drug away from a person who is addicted to it. In my case, the drug is raj and im that addicted person. Now obviously, that person would probably slowly die without their drug. Just like that, when raj is going to be gone, my heart is going to have so many deep holes in it…….it’ll be so hard to heal them again…..u know, when u die once, it’s not so painfull, but when you die over and over again….it pains. Every night, i’ll pray to god to keep my husband safe. He’s going to be so far away…..more than 1,000 miles away. Every night, i’ll lay in bed and think of him….his sweet voice, beautiful eyes, and his gorgeous smile. I have everything that i need in life now. I never got the love of my parents, but i have my raj with me and that’s all i need to survive. Raj took the place of my mom,dad,sister,brother,cousin, everything and anything. He’s always there for me, as a friend, boyfriend,and an amazing husband. He filled that gap in my heart that was made when my parents stopped giving me attention. It’s just so hard to live away from him and meet him only 2 days a week. One day, i won’t have to live throught this pain. One day i’ll wake up besides him….one day i won’t have to die a thousand times….one day i won’t have to hide my love for him, we won’t have to meet secretly, we won’t have to lie for our true love, we’ll be free from that day and on…… and on that one day, i will be the most happiest girl on earth….i’ll miss u pookie…im gona miss u a lot

P.S. pookie is a name that we came up for each other..u’ll see it a lot.

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831

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