i dont know what to do…i dont know where to go…i just dont know what to say…all i do now is cry….every time i try to cry and let out my feelings someone comes into my room. How sad is this…i cant even cry about my love….you have any idea how much this hurts? after he left…i jus stayed on the computer….and i tried to distract myself from crying by downloading bunch of songs. Every time i would try to laugh…i would end up with tears. I don’t have anyone besides me….i feel like a piece of trash just left behind. I called raj wen he was on the way to the airport…..and i was just talking to him until my mom came upstairs and told me tht she heard me talking to a boy…i didnt know what to do…..my heartbeat just stopped instantly…..i had to tell her the truth so i told her that it was raj….that boy tht gave me rides to school with his girlfriend jasmine. I told my mom a lie that jasmine(his gf) called me to ask if i can check for her if raj’s flight is delayed or not. She asked me why cudn’t she check for herself? I told her that her internet isn’t working and thats why she called me…..she looked me in the eyes and said i lost every single bit of trust that i had for u. I had tears in my eyes….first i had to deal with the fact that raj is going to be in india for 3 weeks….and now this??? My mom and dad talked to me for a while telling me that they have no trust for me. They asked me so many questions about raj and his gf (who is fake obivouslyy). But…they ignored it and told me that this was my last and final warning from them. I guess when raj comes back…we won’t talk on the phone at all…for a while….I don’t know why god did this….i guess it was because i hurt raj today(there’s always a reason behind everything). I wasn’t myself for the past few weeks…and today i got into a little fight with him. I didn’t give him enough time to talk to me….i just felt horrible…i wanted to go hide somewhere and cry….and i didnt know if talking to raj was such a gud idea caz i was crying and still am crying becaz of him. I need him so bad….you know…But…they ignored and told me that this was my last and final warning from them. I guess when raj comes back…we won’t talk on the phone at all…for a while….when you guys read this or any blog….u might say “thats really sad” or “that sucks i feel so bad”….but its much more than that. When i write this….i cry my eyes out…..i dont have my love….i dont have what i need to survive…..what do i do? you tell me? im so lost….my head hurts..my ears want to hear his sweet calming voice….my eyes long for his face…..my heart burns…. it hurts its like getting shot over and over again but ur still alive…yet you’re dying from the inside….maybe whatever i write doesn’t make any difference for you guys……maybe im useless….maybe i need to die….i love you raj….and i promised u i wont do anything dum….but if my body kills me from the inside, then its not my fault..im sorry if i ever hurt u pookie…..i really love you baby…come back please….just come back and hold me in ur arms….wipe away my tears..and just tell me that its gona be okay…just come back…..i need u…i miss u yaar…come bak please …please…

(Screen) Name: monaxoxo831