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my breaking point part 1

Posted on : 15-09-2018 | By : A-Pie | In : First Love

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U always tell me how u forgive me and u never want to bring up march 2015 when I broke up with u . But how can u forgive me for something u don’t understand I feel like a lot of our problems come from us not understand what led up to this point you assume you know why i made that choice, and always say whatever it is I forgive u but u can’t forgive me for something u have no idea of what led me to this painful choice

Never in a million years !!!!!

would I think I would want a break or to leave you

I was always the one like no we shouldn’t take a break I was so selfish cause I didn’t want u to cheat or do something else that would cost us everything we got into a part of our relationship were I was comfortable too comfortable I always wanted us to have an apartment together it was not the best apartment lmao but it was ours and I was so focus on us all living under one house together when we finally got it I was comfortable I thought u would of be in the house more we did go out to eat and stuff but everything became so repeated I wasn’t thankful of it so you can kinda say I got board of our life style me going to school with the kid the and coming home and you leaving.

You would sometimes come home and leave then come in really late it’s crazy I still wake up around 2 am sometimes 3am I never sleep a full night maybe once in a while cause I was so use to you coming home those times anyways I wasn’t being thankful for things cause I got comfortable I wish I didn’t do that I also thought by then we would be engaged and I just became unhappy with my self like maybe I’m not the one for u cause things wasn’t happening that I thought would   At that point I wasn’t mad at u I was more confused on why is our relationship here then at one point I remember me standing there by the bed looking in the mirror idk if I was just looking at my self or if we was fighting but u said something along the lines like why u don’t do ur hair or fix up ur self a few weeks later I’m that same spot u said no one is gonna want u with two kids idk why u said it but those two thinks always stayed with me I didn’t kno y , I remember one day u saying u kno I think ur beautiful right I was shocked but by then I thought u was just saying it cause u notice I wasn’t happy I remember me begging u to pick a day to stay home and talking to about we need to tell each other we love each other everyday I was trying lil things to keep us still happy because I don’t wanna be annoying to u but I still wanted us to be happy u always made me feel like I was being annoying from trying stuff the day u helped me with the girls up the stairs and natalyn turned around we was still outside she said by daddy cause we was so use to u helping us up stairs and leaving broke my heart I kno u had to leave and stuff but it just made me feel like everything I wanted never happen I kno we have to work so we can live in a house but that moment hurt me I feel like my lil family I wanted isn’t working out our olderest daughter use to say lick things she still does I won’t forget that day u thought we ganged up on about u always going outside lmao we just really wanted u home I wasn’t trying to make u seem like a bad dad  it’s so much more into what led me in my choice but those lil things started adding up in me and making  me loosing hope

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