When I first saw him I had no idea how much he’d come to mean to me, how I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night because the thought of kissing him sent my brain into a spiral of deep proportions as I imagined what his lips would feel like, as I imagined the conversations that occurred both before and after this imaginary kiss.
I sat in the club, slightly cold but mostly just too drunk to get up and dance along side all the other uni students who were there for the exact same reason I was, the semester was finally over and it was time for the holidays. I scanned the room but didn’t see many familiar faces at first. My best friend Beth sat next to me in a slump, equally as drunk and bored as I was.
The fact we were both recently out of relationships probably had alot to do with the lack of game we were bringing to the club. My throats rotating in a singular motion starting with me in a perfect relationship, ending with me dying alone ran rapid through my mind until Beth interrupted to point at a guy walking past us. I glanced up from my green drink to assess the guy she was obviously interested in and barely gave him 30 seconds of my time.
He was tall with short brown hair that looked as though he’d either been electrocuted or just used an entire tub of fuge wax. As I wondered which of the two had occurred to this boy he looked in our direction, Beth quickly whispered to me asking for thoughts but as he locked my gaze and walked our way I could hardly process what my opinion really was of him, I instinctively replied saying Beth should go for it. Why should she have to sit next to boring dried up me when a guy she found attractive was walking our way.
He sat next to Beth and introduced himself, she replied very calmly and collected almost as if she hadn’t been whispering in my ear about how ‘hot’ she found him only moments ago. The lights around him were too dim for me to continue my evalution so feeling suddenly even more pathetic than I had previously felt, I too scanned the room to see if in the past 10 minutes anything had drastically changed.
The same couples were surrounding the table we were at, making out mostly but one particular couple seemed to be in a rather heated argument. “Why would you even talk to her?” asked the girl why the boy sat with his face like chalk. I couldn’t help but cringe at the memory of how crazy jealousy can make people. I moved on to continue my scan when I noticed a boy from my Chemistry class standing by the bar and staring over directly at me. I subtly turned around to see if he was really looking at me, there was nobody else behind me so it had to have been me.
His name was Jack. He would always sit next to me, flirt with me about little things, it was always fun but could I really kiss this boy? I had to pull myself together and remember that a kiss would be all it was because at 19 the only thing I was truly sure of was that a relationship was not what I wanted.
Whilst I deliberated I turned to my left, only to notice Beth and this Jesse character had escaped to the dance floor, leaving me completely alone. Upon directing my gaze back to where I’d seen Jack I was completely shocked to see he was walking towards me, I smiled to greet him and watched carefully as I watched him sit right next to me.
“Hey Lucy” His voice was soft, almost as if he was nervous. All that flirting in class had built him up to be this brave, player-like character but suddenly he was just a normal boy. “Hey Jack, how are you?” I replied instantaneously to ease his nerves as much as I could. “I’m good thanks, how’ve you been? Glad uni’s over?” Already he seems more confident, I reply fluently and we carry a casual conversation revolving around uni and the holidays, I was about getting up and telling Beth I was just going to go home when he asked if I wanted to dance. Not wanting to get up and dance I did something uncharacteristically slutty of me and reached over and kissed him. I pulled away to make sure I hadnt crossed any lines or offended him in any way, he smiled at me and pulled me straight back into his embrace. His lips were so soft and he’s grip around my waist made me feel so safe. Deciding I was unhappy with our impromptu make out location I stood up and dragged him to a room on the other end of the club.
The room smelt damp as spilt drink stains covered the red cushioned chairs lining the wall. Unable to think of any other viable alternative I sat down and pulled him down with me.
After what only felt like a few moments I heard Beths voice echoing my name. Concerned that something had gone wrong with her night in shining armour I pulled myself away from Jack, little to his amusement, and looked up to see a very distressed Beth looking down on me, to her right stood a very very drunk and confused-looking Jesse who obviously didn’t recognize me from earlier in the evening.
“I couldn’t find you I got scared!” Beth said in her attempt to be an angry friend, when really she doesn’t have a tempremental bone in her entire body. Realizing that I had been selfish in my actions I gave her a half smile and replied “Sorry Beth! I just got carried away..” As the words came out of my mouth I gestured to Jack who was sitting comfortably in the chair looked between Beth and I. “Ah Lucy, that’s okay. Just don’t disappear on me like that again! It’s not cool, do you guys feel like going to maccas?”
Nodding as I heard my warning I turned to ask Jack if he was hungry, he was and so the four of us set of for maccas.
It was only a 5 minute walk but it felt like forever in the cold! Jack kept hugging me and instantly I started to worry about what I’d gotten this poor boy in for. Meanwhile. Beth’s new boy toy swam in the alage infested lake. Moments later he returned to brag about his accomplishment and try to convince Beth to sleep with him in the bushes. As Jack and I laughed Beth turned to him in disgust saying she would never do that and continued to walk with us to maccas.
Once the five minute walk, which actually felt hours long, had come to an end I immediatey headed for the toilets, leaving Jack some money and my order. When I came back outside it was just Jack and Beth sitting at the table, I sat down next to Beth and asked what had happened to Jesse, she simply rolled her eyes and shrugged.
Seeing that she was clearly annoyed I reached around and hugged her to reassure her. Jack then spoke out to say he played Basketball with Jesse and that Grace should steer clear because Jesse was nothing but a player, seeing the dissapointment in Beths face I stupidly decided to speak up and say that players are only players for so long, Jack shot me a hard look of dissaproval.
Not long after we’d finished eating Jack asked me to come outside with him to talk. Feeling as though I owed him the time of day I stepped outside. Jack asked whether I knew Jesse or had met him before, when I said no he said that I should stay away and keep Beth away too.
Ignoring his warning and kissed him once more, he politely asked if I’d like to come stay the night in his dorm and respectfully kissed me on the cheek and hugged me goodbye when I declined.
Now that Jack had gone I saw the opportune moment for the best friend debriefing with Beth, as I stepped into maccas again I noticed there were three new members at our table. Jesse had returned and bought two of his friends, who just happened to be uni friends of mine and Beth’s aswell, damn Canberra for being so small.
I sat down next to Tommy, who instantly choked out a comment about Jack.
I barked back at him defending Jack’s honor, to everybody’s surprise. Jesse, who I had previously never spoken to before joined in and began teasing me. I sat in silence for a few seconds, glancing in Beth’s direction before I began to talk back.
“Did you see me swim in the lake Lucy?” Jesse Asked.
“Fortunately not.” I replied without even a sign of a smile, not wanting to make him feel comfortable what so ever.
“Don’t lie, I know you snuck a peak at my junk” he replied with the biggest smile on his face, the boys laughed and while I assessed Jesse more closely now that the lighting was a bit better I saw something in him I hadn’t previously seen. He has gleaming white teeth and the most contagious smile I’d ever seen. Unable to handle his intense eye contact any longer I looked down at the table with a smirk on my face, “Sorry Jesse, you’re right. I mean, I tried to ‘sneak a peak’ but then I realised I didnt have my magnifying glass on me.” The boys little laughs grew into uncontrollable giggles, and with them came a very impressed Beth laughing equally as loud. I looked back up from the table to assess Jesse’s facial expression, he was still looking at me with a huge smile on his face as he nodded in appreciation of my reply.
The five of us sat laughing and making jokes at each other’s expenses for a while longer until Beth and I decided we should go home and get some rest around 4am. As I said we were going to leave the boys all cried in disappointment while Jesse turned to Jake, the other mutual friend we have, and suggested they do the same. Jesse then stood up and hugged Beth, then, to my surprised came and hugged me. His hugs were amazing, I felt like I didnt even need to be standing up on my own accord anymore then suddenly, to my embarrassment my legs went weak at the knees as I toppled into the table to my left. Jesse Reached his arm back out to catch me and fell into yet another fit of laughter while everyone else paused to see what had happened, Jesse held me until I regained my balance and made a comment about how I should learn to control my liquor. Yes! Alcohol! Perfect excuse! While I was praising his comment he reached over and planted a slight kiss on my right cheek, he turned back to Beth who stood assessing the situation, and said “You both seem like really great girls, have a good night!” we both laughed and replied, thanking him for his compliment and saying we hope he had a good night as well.
On the way home Beth talked about Jesse, all the things that had annoyed her about him, how he kissed, how she thinks jack was right in saying we should steer clear and the meantime all I could think about was how I wish it’d been me that had kissed him. I felt like the worst friend in the world and mentally decided that I would no longer think of him….

(Screen) Name: LucyAnn