As I was doing my bachelor’s degree i wanted to complete a professional degree as well. So i started CWA classes. I have no female cousins only men. So i grew up with boys all the time. As a result, i wasn’t very girly. I was more of a tomboy. I didn’t know to talk like girls, like about clothes, makeup and stuff like that. I was more into cars and bikes and anime. I like boys just like any other girl.
On the first day of class, sitting in the front row, i was looking around at the new faces around me. Then i heard someone laughing at the back of the class, so i turned to look. He was wearing a dull blue t-shirt. He wasn’t what you’d call a hunk but he had an insane smile. I guess i fell for him then and there but didn’t realize it that time.(let’s call him JACK)
As the days went by we became acquainted. I talked to any guy who would talk to me coz we were all classmates. But people taught that i talk to boys too much. I have always been comfortable talking to guys more than to girls, from childhood.
It became pretty obvious to everyone that I had a crush on jack. It’s clearly visible. I have never grown knee weak for anything in my life except him. when i’m with him, i tug at my hair, i pull at my clothes, i try to keep my cool but i know it shows. i stare at my feet and my cheeks turn red. i search for words inside my head and stand there like i have nothing to say. I can feel my heart beating in my chest whenever he looks at me and sometimes i’m afraid he might hear it.
During an exam he asked me if i was in love with him bcoz his friends seem to think so. I denied it, of course. At the last exam, as he was leaving i realized i might never see him again. So i called him up and said that what his friends told him was not entirely false. He hung up and kept avoiding me for the next year.
During that time he dated a girl who dumped him after two and a half months. I tried to be a good friend and consoled him that everything will be fine. he was still yearning for her. I listened to him talk about her with tears in my eyes coz i couldn’t stand to listen to him talk that way about some other girl.
Eventually, we became friends and he got over her. But he thinks that i’m over him too and that i’m just being a friend. It’s been two years since i saw him and the effect he has on me hasn’t changed at all.
Recently i told him that i was still in love with him. He didn’t avoid me but he told me that he doesn’t feel that way about me. He’s the only one who said that to me.
Now, I don’t know what to do?
How should I react?
There’s a chance that he might never fall in love with me.
Should I move on or should I not lose hope?
It’s driving me crazzy…..

(Screen) Name: Kagome

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