It’s funny how the first paragraph of this page says “the love stories from real life are often better then the ones we see on TV or in the movies.” In many ways, the way the romance developed between my fiance and I was SO TV drama-worthy.

I was 16 years old when I met Nick, just starting my final year of high school. We met online, on a dorky anime golf game, of all things. I still find it amazing the things that happened for us to meet, as if it was somehow destined. For one, we met on a ‘tournament’ style match – where up to 30 players verse each other, often quite competitively (no chatting to one another). I rarely played tournaments – I was the social type who liked to play ‘vs’ mode with only one or two players at a time. My fiance, on the other hand, enjoyed tournaments but was extremely competitive and almost always turned off the chat, especially if it was noisy. Neither of us added other players to our friends lists often, and never ones we’d met in tournament matches.

I wish I could remember the exact things we said to each other … if I could go back in time and save that log for nostalgic purposes, I definitely would. As it happened, I remember somebody in the room was talking, and I replied to it jokingly – or maybe he replied first? I’m not sure, but either way, we were messing around with each other and I remember I found him hilariously witty. He tells me that that day, he forgot about getting a high score and just enjoyed chatting with the goofball he’d just met. We added each other on the game, and several months later, on skype. (Let me repeat, this is something we really DIDN’T do).

The attraction, then, was instant. I’d found him intelligent and interesting before, sure, but I suddenly got to see more of him – he was witty, gorgeous, exciting, charismatic, flirtatious and charming in all the right ways. And such an arrogant jerk, too. He was the real-life TV trope – a jerk with a heart of gold. A walking Damon Salvatore from the Vampire Diaries (not that I’d seen that show at this point). I fell in love so fast, so hard, so uncontrollably and against my own will. There was the Pacific ocean separating us, and I was still in high school. And yet he was my first love. I’d never felt anything like it before. The butterflies everytime I saw him sign on, the sweet things he’d say that melted my heart, the things he said that crossed the psychological line and left me uncomfortable and nervous… frustrated and addicted… I felt so boring compared to him. Loving him was complicated and dramatic and powerful. I wish I kept a diary because it was the only time I ever fell in love with someone, and the way those feelings develop, how it takes control of your heart and mind, when you’re in love with someone unpredictable and wild and crazy …

And he was wild and crazy. He was a player, the kind of man women go out with hoping to ‘change’. Although I knew loving him would be the best mistake I’d ever make, I didn’t fully understand him then. I tried. As I got to know him, I realised he had had an extremely difficult childhood and life. He’d been hurt and broken by so many people. I came into his life at the time that he had given up and just wanted to die. He was dating a girl who had cheated on him, hoping that it would give him the motivation to end it all. And that’s where I came in. He tells me now that I was like a candle of brightness in his chamber of darkness, and it excited him and terrified him at the same time. He was enthralled by me, and scared of what would happen if he allowed himself to fall in love with me, or if we got together, or when I finally couldn’t put up with him any longer. He did the cliche TV trope of pushing me away so he couldn’t hurt me.

For months, and months, and months. He’d leave, and come back, push and pull. I was always there, like a lighthouse he could come back to when he needed it. I gave up the idea of being with him – I loved him so dearly, he broke my heart but he made it soar. Never had I missed someone so much or hated someone so much or cared about someone so much. I just accepted that it couldn’t work. He was a reckless, wild spirit who was admittably quite selfish, hot-tempered and often made horrible decisions blinded by strong emotions. He had a serious anger management problem – though he’d never hurt anybody, he had a tendency to break things and self-harm (actually, he had an emotion problem in general – he didn’t get sad, he got heartbreakingly depressed. He didn’t feel anger, he felt uncontrollable rage. He didn’t feel guilt, he felt utter despair and self-loathing.)

In any event, this was TV love. In the movies, the girl eventually breaks through the guy’s shell, he reforms and they get together and everything ends up happily ever after, but this was real life, over the internet and couldn’t be real…

I dated other guys for several years. He continued his toxic relationship until eventually she dumped him for somebody else, which ultimately resulted in a very serious suicide attempt on his part that thankfully failed. We’d stayed in touch during his relationship (sort of, remember the push and pull thing he was so fond of), and as much as the attraction between us was undeniable I’d told him firmly that nothing was going to seriously develop between us while he was in a relationship, no matter how insincere he may have felt towards his girlfriend or what kind of character she was. I was determined not to be any kind of ‘homewrecker’. Still, he flirted with me, but knowing the player-type he was (he flirted with everyone, men, women, himself, his food…) I never took him seriously… it would be years before I found out he truly meant it every time he asked me to marry him.

Several years later, a real-life relationship I was in for almost 2 years fizzled out. There had never been any spark in it. Actually, all the relationships I’d been in so far had no spark – I realised that I was going out with guys, desperately trying to prove to myself that despite how I felt, it was possible to fall in love again, with somebody else. But I never did. I loved my ex, but I was never IN love with him. Still, I was a mess after this breakup – it happened at a bad time in my life, and I felt so alone and in despair… I shut off the whole world, and went into a deep, dark place. I talked to Nick, and nobody else. At that point, we’d had a long time to get to know each other. He stopped doing the appearing/disappearing act a while back, and we’d become fairly close, though he never gave up the appearance of a snarky, arrogant jerk who would never be able to seriously commit to a real relationship. I felt that he had feelings for me.. he’d confided very personal things to me, but I didn’t think the feelings were really genuine or strong. Still, knowing the kind of person he was, I expected him to ‘pounce’ now that I was single again. But he surprised me. Instead of being his usual arrogant, flirtatious self possibly trying to ‘win me over’, he was extremely sensitive, caring, patient and supportive as I slowly crawled out of the deep dark hole I put myself in. And even after he was stil kind and gentle. He never made any crude jokes or attempts of persuasion… just incredibly sensitive, apologetic and kind. It shocked me. After several months, when I was relatively myself again, he confessed his love for me, that he’d always love me, that he thought I was far out of his reach and there was no way in hell I’d give him/us a chance, that as heartbroken as he would be (and was) watching me be with somebody else, he only wanted me to be happy, and that he’d always be there for me and just wanted me to know all this. And that he was deeply sorry for everything he put me through.

I had never ever expected him to sound so humble. For him to pour his heart out to me, to expect nothing in return … and I knew he wasn’t faking it either… but this was huge. I didn’t really respond immediately. I was still a little wary, but his attitude never changed. Well – not entirely true, he did get a bit flirty again but the humility was still there and I’d never seen him so … open and truthful before. Finally, I decided to give us a proper chance. I actually asked him out, and he was completely shocked…

It wasn’t an easy start – as much as we’d gotten to know each other very well, we were still discovering new things about each other, and the first six months there were some fights. But the passion… my God, to be with the one you never thought you could be with, your first love, your best friend and the man of your dreams… the spark never went away (it’s actually still there). I flew out to see him and while we were both afraid our expectations might be too high and we were setting ourselves up for a possible disappointment… he was even better in real life than I had imagined. Our fingers fit in each other’s perfectly. My head rested perfectly on his shoulder – honestly, before him, I thought that was something that only happened in movies. In real life, putting your head on a guy’s shoulder might feel nice and romantic for a couple of minutes but then your neck gets sore and you have to move. But Nick… I fell asleep with my head on his shoulder/chest. He was the perfect height, his eyes the perfect shade of piercing blue, he did everything I had ever needed … he pushed me against a wall to kiss me, he spun me around, he took my breath away… and somehow, the arrogant jerk I fell in love with never quite disappeared either… He was loyal, committed, humble and honest – the only other time he’d been like that was with his first relationship when he was 14, completely innocent … but he was still occasionally snarky, he still had that piercing stare that made your heart stop, he still drove you up the wall and had you cursing his name at 2am like in the Taylor swift songs… but this time he wasn’t going anywhere. He knew his flaws too, and worked so hard to manage them – for me. He doesn’t have an anger management problem anymore – he struggled so hard, harder than he ever had before, to get over his anger/emotional issues. He used to have such a short fuse, and now… recently, while working, a customer grabbed his arm while he was making coffee with scalding hot milk, making him burn himself. He yelped, but was able to keep being polite with her as he dealt with her demands, and although he ranted about it with me later, when I told him that he can’t let people treat him like that, he got quiet and said simply that his job matters more, because he has to save for us to be together, and he can handle anything from anyone for the sake of our future. I can’t describe how massive a change that is … nor had I ever expected to see such a change, much less that I could bring it about…

Earlier this year, he flew out to see me, got down on one knee and proposed. We’re getting married next year, and we still fall in love more and more every day. He still drives me crazy, still gets on my nerves, and still gives me butterflies. He’s changed so much, and at the same time he’s still that self-centered, complicated, slightly uncontrollable bad boy that I fell in love with at 16. He’s my TV romance in real life – whenever I’ve told people this story, they’ve always said to me ‘my god… that stuff only happens in movies… wow..’

I could not be happier 🙂

Oh, and just saying – he really is like Damon Salvatore. This entire clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovQAg70_lms … amost all of Damon’s lines, he’s said to me, nearly word for word (except for ‘hurt someone’). When we actually watched the Vampire Diaries together for the first time and saw this scene… we were both a little bit speechless, to say the least.

I got a new job, after a day or two i noticed this girl out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t look, i could tell just from my peripheral vision that she was cute- i like to think of myself as a professional despite my age so i didn’t particularly want to meet anyone at work. It was few days after i started i guess when she talked to me during lunch, she asked if i went to iowa middle school- i said yes. I think that was the first time i really got to examine her. We were about 12-15 ft from each other when she asked me that, if i remember correctly she even remembered my name. I couldn’t  remember her at all, i asked her name and she said laken- a name i had never even heard before. I asked her if she went there as well and she said yes, that we were in a few grades together. After that, there were a few occasions were she would visit my work area to give me something or just to talk about something random for a moment- it was around this time i realized that she might like me. Let me explain a few things to readers, i am 21 and a virgin. I was expelled in the 8th grade for willful disobedience  and spent a year in isolation on the internet at home, and i was sent to Texas in the middle of nowhere for 2 years and a few months. I never got a chance to have a real girlfriend, or develop any relationship or emotional bonds with anyone outside my family. As such, i am extremely dense when it comes to women- and i hardly realize it when they make advances on me. Back to my story, i sat with her at lunch a few times after a week or so. We talked a lot, she told me things in the middle of the lunchroom with people at tables nearby that i would only tell my closest friends. She told me how her dad died when she was 14, how she sung to him during his last few days. How her mother was a whore (not literally) and how she stole 5 grand from her right before she tried to buy her first car. How she did crystal meth and took a handful of (i dont remember) pills while drinking and overdosed. How she had pretty much been on her own since her dad died, all of this she told me during our second or third actual conversation during lunch. At some point, i started spending more time outside in the lawn/garden center during breaks and lunch. I would sit on the patio furniture and read or just think. I remember her asking me where i was going, and i told her- so she came out there with me for about two weeks. Every break, and during lunch. We talked about a lot, how one of her step-dads had called her fat and would punch her in the stomach after she ate to make her puke, and that she developed a condition that made her do that for months and years afterwards. I cant think of anything else at the moment, a lot of random things- good and bad. I eventually let her know i was a virgin. She had been talking about her first relationship, and we ended up talking about sex or something related- and i said “i wouldn’t know” and she asked me if i was a virgin and i said yep.  I cant remember her reaction exactly, but it wasnt too bad. She told me she had only had sex once, to be honest i didn’t  believe her, if you saw her you would know why- i know i shouldn’t judge based on looks or body but i thought she must be a saint of she only had sex once and was as attractive as she was. At the end of the first week i got her number, i had my phone turned off before that and had basically gotten it back just to get her number. I texted her the next night right before work, she responded immediately and seemed pretty enthusiastic. The texting and everything went well for about a week, and we hung out outside as well. I realized recently that i may have spotted my mistake. I remember texting her “sweet dreams” one night at midnight while i was at work and she was off. We had been talking during my first break and before work as well. After that, things got noticebly sluggish compared to before. She didn’t  text back the way she did before. When i came back from my off days she didn’t  meet me outside, and avoided me altogether. I let it slide and didn’t say anything. Next day, i asked what was wrong. She claimed nothing, said she had alot going on at home. I asked her to meet me outside, that i wanted to talk- she agreed. She didnt come. I went to her area after lunch, and asked her out. ” lets make a date” were my exact idiotic words. Her response was ” i would, but my health isnt great right now” . She had told me alot about her cists and how she had some form of bronchitis before. She said she had a panic attack and her lungs collapsed the other night, the night i texted her “sweet dreams”. Anyway, i told her i liked her. She asked what i meant and i said ” do i really have to spell it out?” And she said no. Im an idiot, i know. Well things continued to go downhill, or go back to normal i should say. She treated me like any other co-worker. It was so painful words cant describe it. I started hanging out with an older guy at work, about 30. He was smart, cool, and we had alot of similar interests such as metal music and anime. He was the one who pointed out to me that i loved her after i told him how i felt and thought about her. She sat with us every day after i started hanging out with him, guess she just didnt want to sit with me alone. Meh. Anyway i started joining him at the gym to get away from her since she liked sitting with us at lunch. She quit a few weeks after that, works as a waitress at a casino. She visits us still, coming up there at night after she gets off work in her skimpy outfit. She liked some stuff on my facebook one day after i hadnt been on it in like two weeks so i decided to return the favor and like some of her stuff. I noticed at the bottom it said “in a relationship since (two weeks before i started my job and met her)” and i cant help but feel played with. Well, thanks fo reading- i know my grammer is atrocious but thats what happens when you’ve been expelled for six years. Any input on what i should do now would be greatly appreciated. Do i confess the next time she visits my work? Avoid her entirely? Or what? 

I want to share you about my experience. I’m just a 17 years old girl that not interest with love stuff. I always thought that having a boyfriend while i’m studying wasn’t good at all. I wanted to focus more on studying. But until i met him. We met each-other on a social communication. I never got interest of guys who try to flirt with me. But the moment that he talked to me. I was so attracted to him. We talked to each-other every night because i was on my holiday break. Later, about half of a month, he confessed me. I didn’t reply first because i wanted to think more about this. A few days later, i replied him. I thought over it again and again. Do i love him?
Then i got my answer. I liked him. Every minute we talked to each-other make me happy so much. At first, we were totally in deep love or maybe just only my thought. He always told me that he want to marry me. At first, i ignored that because we are just online-dating. We were world apart from each-other. He won’t make his way to come and get me. But he always told me he how much he want to marry me almost everyday. He always gave me a little hope of being with him. I’m sure he wasn’t serious with me. He rarely shared his little stories with me. I disappointed at first then i think that maybe because he is a guy. Guys usually don’t share problem, right?
But i was wrong. I saw most of the guy share their problem and stories with their girlfriend. I was so upset. I couldn’t even focus on my lesson. I always skipped school and excuse myself that i’m feeling unwell. But thinking for a few days, i could not run away from the problem. I had to face it.
Then when the night come, i talked to him and asked him about it. And i found something. He was talking with other girls while he was in relationship with me too. When i asked him about that, he was totally mad at me. Then he asked for breaking up. I agreed at first but then i always missed him. I couldn’t take it. I was so deep in love with him. I asked him to be back again. Then he said ok. I was so happy at the time he said so.
But not as i expected, he changed day by day. He usually asked for break up even it was such a small things. I forgave him for countless times but he never think about it. I just put at the fault on myself because i thought that i’m so dumb.
I found lots of things that he hide from me. I felt so stupid because i loved him so much.
I’m not sure what i do is right or wrong. I’m really confuse now.

I used to think one day I’d tell the story of us – how we used to dance until the melancholic song and the shimmering lights faded. I do remember how we came to that place. It is a huge place where billions of people gather around to find the right partner to dance with. It is a place where the body sways with every beat, and feet move with every count. It is where eyes glisten with the flicker of the lights, and hands entwined with every sparkle of crystal chandeliers. You cannot hear the ticking of the clock because time wouldn’t matter. Everyone got invitations. The desired end is to find the right one who can jive with your every move, with the kind of dance you chose. I’ve been there for so many times, I cannot even count the moment I tripped and fell, but so what? I don’t really care. Until I found you, and from then on, I knew that going to that place was never a wrong decision.

I walked into the huge crowd, ‘til my eyes met yours. And as soon as I knew, I found myself walking towards you.

I never thought it was a coincidence meeting you. It was destined. I remember the day when I first saw you. It was a windy afternoon, a perfect timing to blend with my boring day on my grandfather’s house in Cavite. I was new in the place and just had a vacation after the tedious days I had at school. I thought that the place would be a perfect getaway from everything that reminds me of assignments, projects, exams, lectures and recitations. Well, yes, I freed myself from the tiring work, but the longer I stay in the house the more I find it to be dull. And so to escape boredom, I decided to go outside. I peek first and saw children roaming, running and playing. I wonder how they got that kind of energy after all the gentle sway of the cool wind that suggests people to stay in their house and sleep. And so I thought that maybe there’s something different that the wind brought to little kids. I stepped outside, got a chair, and sat. Nothing changes, until I saw you catching a glimpse of me from your house’s window. I looked at you, and as soon as you found out, you immediately looked away. And it planted a simple smile on my face. Yeah, it’s true. The cool, windy afternoon changed my mood, and my life as a whole.

And now, here we are, facing each other. The very first thing I notice is your eyes. Your staring eyes that soon became mine.

It was a rainy day of May – so ironic as to what I usually expected for the month. We were in a coffee shop. I noticed people talking – a group of girls laughing that one of them hit another maybe because of the immeasurable joy she felt with what they are talking, a guy having a conversation with a girl that eventually made the girl smile, another guy and girl busy typing something on their phones, a girl sipping through her coffee while looking at her watch. Everyone was busy looking for a reason to smile, some were waiting for their own happiness and others have already found happiness through the company they’re with. I looked at you, you seem nervous. You never said a thing. And so I broke the silence. I said “yes”. After hearing that, your eyes widen, and I was shocked when you hit the table, and shouted. “Yes!”

At first we feel uneasy to move. But we break the silence. You start moving, and I respond accordingly. The sweet, quixotic music begins to play. The lights find their way to shine upon us.

I remember experiencing the dilemma that most female teenagers encounter: the dilemma of how to tell people around you that you already have a boyfriend. I already have the feeling that it wouldn’t be easy to say to my family. I have been raised in a protective and conservative nature, but I know lying would not make things right. So I gather my strength, take a deep breath, call my mother who is working abroad that time and asked, “Ma, okay lang ba kung magka boyfriend na ako?” Surprisingly, she never got angry with what she heard. What’s even more surprising is that she allowed me, but reminded me to never focus too much with it, I am too young, I must finish my studies first – yes, the usual motherly advice a girl will hear from her mother. From that moment, my relatives knew about you. You also told your family about us, and they got no problem with that too. And so we became officially together.

They say that hips do a lot of work for a dance. And so we learn to sway along with the seductive rhythm of the music.

I remember the times we talk about our family. I am the only daughter from a broken family. You are the youngest among your five siblings. You always wonder how I manage to continue without the physical presence of my parents. I always answer, “kung magrerebelde ako, wala akong mapapala, hindi pa rin naman sila magbabalikan.” I told you I was the only hope of my mother. She is always looking forward for a brighter future ahead of me, and that someday I will help our family. You also said the same thing. You are the last hope of your oldest sister. I recall your mother saying that you really wanted to finish college and after that find a job. We knew it is heart-breaking for the ones who wish the best for us if we fail them. And with that, we always say to strive hard and just keep going.

We continue moving. It is a slow-quick-quick motion. So slow it sends a tingling signal to my nerve, so quick it makes my body shivers, as quick as it left us panting after every step.

Slow. What I can only recall is the way you wrap your arms around me on a rainy evening. The warmth I always long everytime the cool wind and teardrops of rain from the roof teases me. I’d rather have your arms enveloped on my body than a thick, lame jacket I am wearing. I’d rather have your body close than a blanket covering mine. Quick. A comforting feeling seeing someone smiling when you wake up. A soothing feeling when someone runs his fingers through your hair. A gratifying moment hearing someone saying “Good morning, beautiful.” Quick. How sweet it is to be able to know that there is someone who sees imperfection and yet considers her flawless.

As a leading partner, you have to maintain confidence throughout the dance, but there will always be a time where you will commit a wrong move. And as a following partner, I have to respond appropriately to correct your mistakes and get you back on track.

I hate you for making me hate you. I hate you for being late for the very first time. I hate you for being snob when you get things the wrong way. I hate you for being too jealous. I hate you everytime you say “bahala ka.” I hate you for not listening when I try to explain. I hate you for being mad on non sense things. I hate it when you do not know how to swallow your pride. I hate it when we fight over the phone. I hate it when you ignore me. I hate you for making me cry over the night. I hate it when you say sorry. I hate you for making me calm. I hate you for every hurt you caused me. But what I hate the most is staying with you. I hate it when I think your love is the only place I can only return to.

I made a wrong move. I thought it is natural to commit mistakes. I thought you will correct my fault. But you don’t. You let me tumble down. How could you? I fell, the music stop; the lights stop moving and provide a spot on me.

The only moment I recall is admitting my mistakes. I should’ve asked permission that night to go to a friend’s party and have fun. I shouldn’t have talked with my guy friend about how I am proud of having you as my boyfriend. You never believed me because the picture gave you a wrong message. You won’t listen. You never listened anyway. I tried to say sorry even if I have nothing to be sorry for. It’s my first time admitting something I did not really do just for the sake of calming you down. But it did not work; it will never work for you. How could you? How could you be so heartless?

I think falling down is enough to feel the hurt, but then I realize that what hurts most is seeing someone leaving. And I do everything to stop you from leaving. But you won’t; you won’t stay. The melancholic music starts playing. The lights start moving very slow as if looking for the guy I danced with.

It was a cold evening. I stay at the terrace of my room. I attempt to make things right for us again. I called you. I do not know if I am crazy and stupid for doing that move. The only thing I knew is I wanted you back. It hurts when I knew you care less of me. It hurts when your voice makes me feel like you don’t have the intention to fix things. I tried to cover the pain. But eyes won’t lie. It let out a teardrop. One at a time, and so they go flowing. I tried to cover the sound of sadness by my hands, but the strong wind blew and stopped them. I loss control and every tear is breath taking. But you never feel the same. I asked you if you love me but you said “Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko na alam.” Yes, you never feel the same.

Slowly, I attempt to stand up. But my legs are weak. And the moment I fall on the floor once more, someone offered his hand for help. It is the same hands that used to fill the spaces between mine. It is you, you come back for me.

We talked in a room. You let me explain. I don’t know if you’re listening, but I don’t care, I want to make myself clear. Again, I experienced another first. It is the first time I expressed myself truly for someone. I was not too expressive to people, there are many times when silence shows my sadness, and tears reveal how I am hurt. But you changed me. We were alone in the same room where we used to share memories. I ended up my explanation. The only thing I remember with what you said is, “…siguro pinakilala ako sa’yo ng tadhana para bigyan ka ng lesson. Pero kung tayo, tayo talaga.” And again, my sadness is replaced by silence. But I never thought silence could kill until I heard those words from you. And the hurt is substituted by tears. But I never thought tears could also kill until I saw you walked away.

You help me get up. I thought you are ready to continue and make a move. I am about to follow, but your movement is so strange. As soon as I found out, you let go of my hand, and take a step back. You leave again. Why? Why is that so?

From that moment, I realized, maybe you are right. I met you by destiny. Yes, maybe destiny used you to give me a lesson. It is painful to let go of the person you love the most. But it hurts more if that person is also the one who is giving you the reason to give up.

It is a joyous feeling to love someone.

It is fun to dance with someone.

But if the pain weighs more than love, would you still say that loving makes you happy?

But if you tripped and fell many times than gracefully swaying with the music, would you still say that dancing is fun?

I recall myself seeing you after the break up. I came back to the same place where we first met. I came to attend our friend’s birthday party. They still tease us and ask the reason why our relationship did not work. It’s just funny because laughing is the only thing we can answer to their question. I never know the exact reason why, if you know can you tell me now? The night deepens when you start talking with me. You ask few questions. The more you keep on talking with me the more they try to tease us. You sat beside me. I don’t know how to react. I never reacted. Maybe because I like talking with you too. I again saw the same eyes of yours. The same eyes that used to be mine. The same eyes that used to capture me.

I get up and held myself high; I stand up and take a deep breath. I planted a simple smile on my face. I walk across the place. And see you. You walk towards me, smiling. And the first thing I notice is the same eyes of yours.

Before something happens, I let go of the illusion. I smiled at you. I remember what you said the last time you left me, “kung tayo, tayo talaga.”

I smiled at you. You start offering your hand to me again, asking for another dance. But I realize something. My shoes are already worn out. And my feet are aching. I cannot bear to take another dance again.

So before I feel the same thing again, I bid good bye to you, and to our friends. I stand up, and look at you. The only thing I knew is I am doing the right thing. I start walking away.

So before I feel the urge to dance again, I bid good bye to you, and walk out. From then on, I never go back to that place. I thought the melancholic song and the shimmering lights faded, but they don’t. I can still hear the music, that same melancholic music; I can still see the lights, the same shimmering lights from afar, as if inviting me to dance again. But I want to stop first, so the next time we see each other, I’ll be ready.

Ready to see the same eyes that captured me, hold the same hands that filled mine, feel the arms that used to comfort me, hear the same voice that greets me in the morning, and see the same person who saw me as an imperfection yet consider me flawless.

I was never sure if i really wanted my life to get public though my husband always use to say that he wants to tell the entire world how we met…I’ll centralise the whole story upon me here and would start from beginning.
I am the only daughter of my parents and most pampered one. I have been my dad’s darling since birth and he gave me full freedom always. This story started 3 years ago in 2010. I finished up with my studies and was working as a HR manager in a small company. I was socially active on networking site orkut but only had known ones in my friend list. I uploaded my first pic on orkut in 2010 feb and was surprised to see a comment from a stranger named Deepak. I quickly browsed his profile and found him unknown to me. I checked notifications in my mail id and found that he was added in 2008. I don’t know how he got added? Then we had a small chat and he introduced himself. Then after we used to have casual chats as friends and one day he proposed me.
I was never willing to go for love marriage so i rejected his proposal He belonged to the same community as mine so even after my refusal he through a matrimony mediator sent proposal to my family asking my hand. My father asked my response but i was blankly told him to take the decision himself as i never had courage to tell my father about my likings. I was inclined towards Deepak but chose to kept quiet at that time for my family’s happiness. My parents were looking for an educated corporate guy therefore they kept his proposal aside as he was a businessman and only graduate.
Time went by, i stopped communicating with him and in feb 2011 got engaged to a guy named Rishi from Varanasi. He was a nice, decent, educated guy dealing with stock business and belonged to a very reputed family of the city. My family was very happy and satisfied and even i got contended. It was a typical arranged relationship. As we indian daughters are, soon after our engagement we start taking our partners as our husband, even if something wrong happens we ignore it. Soon after my engagement, we exchanged our numbers and started talking over phone. He never used to speak much and i found him quite introvert. I always felt as if he doubts my loyalty towards him. I used to ask him the reason but always ended up with big argument and banging up phones. He used to get rude, aggressive and offended up on anything i say. He used to disconnect the call after screaming and i end up with shedding tears in washroom. My bhabhi used to ask me sometimes if all is well but i never discussed anything with her. Around a month later in march 2011 we again had an argument and he abused me ‘bitch’. I wept a lot over this and told everything to my family. Immediately my mom and dad called his mother and told them they want to meet her and will be visiting varanasi the next day, till then there will be no communication between rishi and meenu(my name). My parents went to varanasi the very next day carrying my mobile phone and showed his mother and elder brother the message full of slangs. His father had expired a long ago and this was his family. They also showed surprise and called rishi for interrogation. He told my parents that he had a past relationship with a girl named gagan and was madly in love with her. He wanted to marry her but due to different community she turned back and since our engagement he feels that I and gagan are connected in some way as we have same interests, thoughts. I speak the same things she used to say. My dad asked rishi to forget everything and just tell whether he wants to marry meenu or not, and he said yes i like her and it was just misunderstanding. He and his family apologised a lot and my parents returned back. After returning, my dad told me if feels something fishy and is not satisfied and asked my decision whether i want to carry with the relationship or not. And i said YES, i want to carry the relationship as till then I had developed strong feelings for rishi and also feared societal humiliation if relationship breaks. We had a 9 month courtship period which was quite normal with no love and romance. I thought may be this happens in all arrange marriages and love happens after marriage and with this thought i got married to him in nov 2011. During all wedding ceremonies, he was very quite and sad. When i asked him the reason he told me he was missing his dad on that day.Even my family and relatives were not liking his behaviour that day but on hearing the reason they couldn’t say anything and believed him. And finally i got married to him.
Vidai was done and i was sent to his home. His family, relatives all were teasing me, having fun,but he was very quite. Then everybody left me in his room and went away. Till then he did not speak out a single word. I went to washroom to change clothes and when i came out found him asleep. I got vey nervous and slept beside him. At midnight i found him kissing me and unrobing me, but we couldn’t had sex because his organ didn’t stand up and there was no erection. And then he fell down, said sorry to me and slept. The night passed away like this. In the morning he told me we had no conversation yesterday and we’ll talk today after all relatives will go. The day passed away in meeting and bidding farewell to relatives. At night, finally we got time to talk.
And his words started like this, ” First of all sorry for last night, i never wanted to do that, its just i lost my control because you were looking damn sexy in that nighty. The truth is that i can’t accept you as my wife as i still love gagan( his ex-gf) . The full nine months, our courtship period i used to believe its all some sort of drama going on between yours, my and gagan’s family and finally i’ll get married only to gagan. May be there are some problems with gagan right now for which she is not coming in front and you were been engaged to me. I used to take you as mediator and whatever gifts i gave you were for her. On the day of wedding when i found that whatever i used to think was my fantasy, i wanted to run away, i told my brother but he forced me to marry you else it would be an insult and humiliation to family.”
I was shocked to hear this, couldn’t say a single word to him. I was confused whether to slap him for the betrayal or feel pity for him for his mental state. I confronted his brother and mother and they also showed surprise on his story that how can a person take his engagement and courtship period as some drama. Everyone scolded him and asked him to forget gagan and accept me as his wife. But he got offended and abused his own mother and brother for ruining his life. He told me that gagan would have wanted to come but his family would had not let her come and used many slangs for his family. I was confused what to do? Whoever i believe he or his family, my life was destroyed….
I couldn’t tell anything to my family as i knew they’ll be shattered on hearing this and i chose to keep quiet. His cousins, brothers, relatives all were telling him to accept the reality that gagan has gone and i am his wife now but he was not listening to anybody. Day and night i was trying to show my love to him but that was all in vain. He used to weep day and night remembering gagan, texting her, mailing her, kissing her pics . The nights were worse when in my presence he used to watch porn and then shack…..I never knew what was i doing there, why was i tolerating all this being an educated independent woman….. Might be i still had inclination towards him and was trying to save my marriage…
Finally i decided to talk to gagan and asked rishi her phone no. He gave me her no. And requested me to convey his feelings to her as she was not responding to him since a year and a half. I called her and introduced myself and asked her if she wants to return to his life as he has got miserable. She blindly said NO, he is a bastard. She told me she got separated because he abused her and her parents. I then asked rishi about this and he again blamed his family for creating misunderstanding him and gagan.
He told me he want to meet her and clear everything. She used to stay at lucknow. He was very much sure that gagan has lied to me and still love him, Till now, 10 days had passed. This guy was not stable at al. At times he used to say gagan would accept him and will marry him, on the other hand out of insecurity he used to tell me to stay with him and things will get better soon. I being stupid was doing everything what he was staying as i knew gagan will not come and eventually someday he’ll start liking me…
We decided to visit lucknow to meet gagan ant at home we told everybody that we are going for a holiday to ddun to make things better. Rishi repeatedly used to ask me if he goes off with gagan, what will i do? He used to say that i am bearing all this because being a girl, i would me scared of my future. And i told him there are many who liked me and he don’t need to worry for me. To make him jealous i took deepak’s name, but this didn’t make any difference to him. I told him i regret rejecting his proposal today which landed me in this situation.
Finally, we left for lucknow…..
Till that time, we both were trying to read her posts on fb which might give us sone clue regarding her current relationship status…on the way, we got to add her and saw a post by her best friend on her wall. It was a song lyrics posted on the day of our wedding that i loved you though you got married to someone else, but i’ll keep loving you always…..I was dismayed on reading this, rishi was crying out of happiness and i was crying , the reason being opposite…..My all hopes were shattered of saving our relationship….i told him i want to go back to my native place and can’t go with him to meet gagan as i don’t have courage to do so. He asked me whether i really wanted him and gagan to unite, i said No…..he got very aggressive over this….we got down in between and came back to varanasi….on reaching varanasi, rishi molested me for lying to him..he said you wanted me to be with you, then come lets be together…he drank a lot and kept on abusing me….

That was the end, i called my dad and asked to take me back and told everything about gagan…my family reached to me the next day. They confronted rishi and his family and they were sitting silently with their heads down….the argument between the families worsened up as they assassinated my character by taking deepak’s name that i from the first day wanted to run away with him and never tried to be with rishi. It’s up to woman to attract any man towards her and i never gave any input….when i showed them the messages and mails of rishi to gagan, then they stopped and asked me to stay as it was fault from both sides…..
My family and relatives refused to leave me there and brought me back..The community head also supported me and asked me to file a case as i had all proofs, but i denied…I was questioning myself what was my fault?
A month passed,he never called me up,it was me who called him 4 times, but his words did not change. He said he is ready to accept me as it was my equal fault as i also liked somebody else..i was wondering what to do, but my dad was strict No..he told me i can return to rishi only after his death because he’ll not be able to see my condition there..I discussed the full matter with my friends and everyone suggested me to separate…then i finally decided to take divorce..
I conveyed my decision to his family, they readily agreed because our mediator told them if they’ll create any problem, bride’s side may file a case against you and they have enough proofs against your son and the whole community is with them..
Everything happened within 2 months and i was a free bird again…i decided to work again,joined a school and started teaching…
The months were passing by, the society got to know that i am back, there were questions, worries on some faces, wicked smile on others, i stopped meeting everyone, just used to go to school, come back and sleep..
But this was not the end, but the beginning, Deepak came to know about me and he landed up at my home…he told me he want to marry me, and i insulted him as i never wanted to marry again…he spoke to my parents and they asked him to give me some time..
A year passed by, he kept on waiting and finally i realised i cannot find a better person than him. I decided to bury my past and agreed to this relationship. Finally, this june we got married, i was accepted with open arms by his family and now am carrying his 3 month baby in my womb….
I am happy now, feel too lucky as he is the person who makes me feel special day and night as if i am his life…it feels good to see that your presence and absence means so much to somebody.,..everything he does centralises around me..he is the best husband anybody can have and best son-in-law…..
May be this was god’s plan, the way i am with deepak now, but i do believe now everything that happens, happens for good…
And i do still question myself, what was my fault in my past?

(Screen) Name: Meenu

It’s mostly been that i have been the girl to suffer in relationships. But this one I feel like it will last but slowly and as time quickly passes i’m afraid my jealousy will conquer me. Our relationship started of with a rumor about us two. He was the new kid at school and everyone said he was crushing on me! I didn’t believe and i started to become best friends with him online. The 2nd week from since he came new, he confessed. He had said he loved me and then stopped as we started to become good friends and then when we made nicknames he had fallen again. Although I had a liking feeling for him from the first day I saw him new to school, I wasn’t sure if I should confess my love to! I took the chances and told him and we started dating. The next month his computer crashed and we started having a loss of connection in between us. Now that school has started again, I often see him talking to another girl and that just makes me jealous. He has barely ever talked to me in the way he talks to her, I had asked him if he like her but he said no. After that I had gotten a relief but a part of me still has a doubt. Now after that day he has often started staring at me and making me feel so happy, he is bringing my trust and hope back but he still talks to her.

(Screen) Name: Alisa

My name is Melanie, My husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr. Sambola, You are truly talented and gifted. Email: drsambola@aim.com is the only answer. He can be of great help to anyone in relationship problem, so that is why I am sharing this testimony and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.

(Screen) Name: melanie

This is my Love story, not sure if this is love or what. Pleas enjoy

I am 18 years old. I am average 3rd year IT student at the university. I had girlfriend and lots of friends to talk to and consult. I am also a musician in many orchestras around the province. Everyone around me was very friendly and helpful, they help me during my study and sometimes ask whether I come for a dinner under their dorm. My life was happy, everything was in the right way.

Till sometimes later in my life, I broke up with my girlfriend. My friends start to think that I have no time for them for example study after class or have some foods before I go home, because at that time I have many things to get it done such as concert schedule, part time job, study(my grades for midterm are in about average), family and etc, so they start to leave me by myself. Everyday when I come to my faculty, no one greeting me like before. Once I have math problem, no one bother to give me any key(I know that let someone do problem for you is not helpful) and I keep struggle and so on.

I come home and have a conversation with my ex, realised that she has new one and start to fade out and hardly ever chat to me through Skype. So yeah, everything is gone wrong. It was really really terrible and effect everything in my life.

The clearest effect that caused from that is I become so cold-blooded and so devoid. It reaches the point that when I walk pass pretty student in my faculty, I feel empty and thinking I am not worth her I am not handsome not smart like others. Some day I become hallucinogen thinking randomly why no one love me and stuff. I was so lonely and really isolated in my own room with one gaming computer. I think that there is a method to avoid the reality which is play computer game, which I did. I play computer game since 11pm till like 4am everyday. It goes worse, when i go to faculty, my friends see me like a walking dead. They didn’t say much but just told me to reduce playing game and more sleep. Finally I have depression and Insomnia.

Later on, while i was checking facebook and instagram. I saw my old friend in the instagram. Her name “Prim”, She is my friend since I was in International School and she is in high status family. Since year 9 during registration time (8.40am) I came to school like 7.20 to sleep for a while. I met her came inside the classroom with her friends, she’s so cute and lovely. Her smile is so pure and makes me fall in love. Then we start to talk, since at that time I was using msn to communicate with her, took me about 2 months to get used to each other. One day I was planned to confess her after school finish, unfortunately and obviously, my whole year friends knew that I was interesting with her. There are 2 sides, support me and anti me to go for her. Her friends might told her(My thought). It is real, then I went on normal habit of msn with her. Then she asked me “Do you really like me?” The most stupid answer I gave to her was “no”. And then we didn’t ever talk again and everyday was so awkward. Later, I finished IGCSE and left school to the university(my university minimum requirement is IGCSE) while she was doing her A-level till year 13.

First year of university(Freshy), 3 years later since year 9. I was brave enough to message to her in facebook. Good thing that she replied me. We recovered our conversation, everything was getting better and better. We became close-friend at last.

My another friend from another school (long lost friend) called me to congrats that I got the university. I introduced Prim to him. Somehow, my friend start to fall in love with her, so then I become a Matchmaker for them both. It took me about 3 months and finally they became couple. They were happy and love each other so much. As I was a matchmaker for them, I was happy too.
Another 9 months, they broke up. I was trying to convince them to come back but failed. So they separated, also they studied in the different university which was really far from each other, but both were studying Bachelor of Business Administration and Prim got education scholarship. During that time, I was really busy on study and work so I had no time to contact both of them from first year to second year of my university’s life.

On second year of my study, it had been a long time since I talked to her, so I contact her via app Line, she responded. We talked for like a month now, then she told me that she got her new boyfriend which he was her senior(Senior in her university have to take care of the first year that come from election, so those senior will give them their used text book or notes). She was in relationship with him for 3 months (which is before I contact her via Line). At that time, as I am her close friend, I congratulate her. Logically, she has her boyfriend; we talk to each other for about couple months then we fade away.

From now on, according to what I write from the beginning till now, my life was in critical and so depression. The only thing I can think is her. She is only one who can cheer my life up with her smile. I really miss her so much, I contact her. Something inside me told me that she is the one who will change my world. I talk to her for a month now; I try to flirt her like before. I sent a doll for her birthday and also I made albums of her picture to impress her. Everything is smooth, but then during Line chat, I asked her why come back to condo so late, she replied that she went to meet her “boyfriend” at the faculty. At that point, I am so empty till now. Everything in the past. I felt really aggrieved, asked myself why always be me why not me. In the past, I cheered everything for her, and now, I am really depressed of what I did in the past.

I don’t know how I am going to stay in this world though. I want to be everything for her although I am not in a high status people. I am scared that whether my life and status worth her or not. Every time we talk to each other, she always cheers me up when I am down. I really love her but it would be impossible to be with each other. Is this one sided love?? Nowadays, my life still haunted by my past life of her and I. What I did and have done.

Thank you for reading my story and sorry for the grammar, I am not 1st language English.

(Screen) Name: E1iT3z

I used to think one day I’d tell the story of us – how we used to dance until the melancholic song and the shimmering lights faded. I do remember how we came to that place. It is a huge place where billions of people gather around to find the right partner to dance with. It is a place where the body sways with every beat, and feet move with every count. It is where eyes glisten with the flicker of the lights, and hands entwined with every sparkle of crystal chandeliers. You cannot hear the ticking of the clock because time wouldn’t matter. Everyone got invitations. The desired end is to find the right one who can jive with your every move, with the kind of dance you chose. I’ve been there for so many times, I cannot even count the moment I tripped and fell, but so what? I don’t really care. Until I found you, and from then on, I knew that going to that place was never a wrong decision.

I walked into the huge crowd, ‘til my eyes met yours. And as soon as I knew, I found myself walking towards you.

I never thought it was a coincidence meeting you. It was destined. I remember the day when I first saw you. It was a windy afternoon, a perfect timing to blend with my boring day on my grandfather’s house in Cavite. I was new in the place and just had a vacation after the tedious days I had at school. I thought that the place would be a perfect getaway from everything that reminds me of assignments, projects, exams, lectures and recitations. Well, yes, I freed myself from the tiring work, but the longer I stay in the house the more I find it to be dull. And so to escape boredom, I decided to go outside. I peek first and saw children roaming, running and playing. I wonder how they got that kind of energy after all the gentle sway of the cool wind that suggests people to stay in their house and sleep. And so I thought that maybe there’s something different that the wind brought to little kids. I stepped outside, got a chair, and sat. Nothing changes, until I saw you catching a glimpse of me from your house’s window. I looked at you, and as soon as you found out, you immediately looked away. And it planted a simple smile on my face. Yeah, it’s true. The cool, windy afternoon changed my mood, and my life as a whole.

And now, here we are, facing each other. The very first thing I notice is your eyes. Your staring eyes that soon became mine.

It was a rainy day of May – so ironic as to what I usually expected for the month. We were in a coffee shop. I noticed people talking – a group of girls laughing that one of them hit another maybe because of the immeasurable joy she felt with what they are talking, a guy having a conversation with a girl that eventually made the girl smile, another guy and girl busy typing something on their phones, a girl sipping through her coffee while looking at her watch. Everyone was busy looking for a reason to smile, some were waiting for their own happiness and others have already found happiness through the company they’re with. I looked at you, you seem nervous. You never said a thing. And so I broke the silence. I said “yes”. After hearing that, your eyes widen, and I was shocked when you hit the table, and shouted. “Yes!”

At first we feel uneasy to move. But we break the silence. You start moving, and I respond accordingly. The sweet, quixotic music begins to play. The lights find their way to shine upon us.

I remember experiencing the dilemma that most female teenagers encounter: the dilemma of how to tell people around you that you already have a boyfriend. I already have the feeling that it wouldn’t be easy to say to my family. I have been raised in a protective and conservative nature, but I know lying would not make things right. So I gather my strength, take a deep breath, call my mother who is working abroad that time and asked, “Ma, okay lang ba kung magka boyfriend na ako?” Surprisingly, she never got angry with what she heard. What’s even more surprising is that she allowed me, but reminded me to never focus too much with it, I am too young, I must finish my studies first – yes, the usual motherly advice a girl will hear from her mother. From that moment, my relatives knew about you. You also told your family about us, and they got no problem with that too. And so we became officially together.

They say that hips do a lot of work for a dance. And so we learn to sway along with the seductive rhythm of the music.

I remember the times we talk about our family. I am the only daughter from a broken family. You are the youngest among your five siblings. You always wonder how I manage to continue without the physical presence of my parents. I always answer, “kung magrerebelde ako, wala akong mapapala, hindi pa rin naman sila magbabalikan.” I told you I was the only hope of my mother. She is always looking forward for a brighter future ahead of me, and that someday I will help our family. You also said the same thing. You are the last hope of your oldest sister. I recall your mother saying that you really wanted to finish college and after that find a job. We knew it is heart-breaking for the ones who wish the best for us if we fail them. And with that, we always say to strive hard and just keep going.

We continue moving. It is a slow-quick-quick motion. So slow it sends a tingling signal to my nerve, so quick it makes my body shivers, as quick as it left us panting after every step.

Slow. What I can only recall is the way you wrap your arms around me on a rainy evening. The warmth I always long everytime the cool wind and teardrops of rain from the roof teases me. I’d rather have your arms enveloped on my body than a thick, lame jacket I am wearing. I’d rather have your body close than a blanket covering mine. Quick. A comforting feeling seeing someone smiling when you wake up. A soothing feeling when someone runs his fingers through your hair. A gratifying moment hearing someone saying “Good morning, beautiful.” Quick. How sweet it is to be able to know that there is someone who sees imperfection and yet considers her flawless.

As a leading partner, you have to maintain confidence throughout the dance, but there will always be a time where you will commit a wrong move. And as a following partner, I have to respond appropriately to correct your mistakes and get you back on track.

I hate you for making me hate you. I hate you for being late for the very first time. I hate you for being snob when you get things the wrong way. I hate you for being too jealous. I hate you everytime you say “bahala ka.” I hate you for not listening when I try to explain. I hate you for being mad on non sense things. I hate it when you do not know how to swallow your pride. I hate it when we fight over the phone. I hate it when you ignore me. I hate you for making me cry over the night. I hate it when you say sorry. I hate you for making me calm. I hate you for every hurt you caused me. But what I hate the most is staying with you. I hate it when I think your love is the only place I can only return to.

I made a wrong move. I thought it is natural to commit mistakes. I thought you will correct my fault. But you don’t. You let me tumble down. How could you? I fell, the music stop; the lights stop moving and provide a spot on me.

The only moment I recall is admitting my mistakes. I should’ve asked permission that night to go to a friend’s party and have fun. I shouldn’t have talked with my guy friend about how I am proud of having you as my boyfriend. You never believed me because the picture gave you a wrong message. You won’t listen. You never listened anyway. I tried to say sorry even if I have nothing to be sorry for. It’s my first time admitting something I did not really do just for the sake of calming you down. But it did not work; it will never work for you. How could you? How could you be so heartless?

I think falling down is enough to feel the hurt, but then I realize that what hurts most is seeing someone leaving. And I do everything to stop you from leaving. But you won’t; you won’t stay. The melancholic music starts playing. The lights start moving very slow as if looking for the guy I danced with.

It was a cold evening. I stay at the terrace of my room. I attempt to make things right for us again. I called you. I do not know if I am crazy and stupid for doing that move. The only thing I knew is I wanted you back. It hurts when I knew you care less of me. It hurts when your voice makes me feel like you don’t have the intention to fix things. I tried to cover the pain. But eyes won’t lie. It let out a teardrop. One at a time, and so they go flowing. I tried to cover the sound of sadness by my hands, but the strong wind blew and stopped them. I loss control and every tear is breath taking. But you never feel the same. I asked you if you love me but you said “Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko na alam.” Yes, you never feel the same.

Slowly, I attempt to stand up. But my legs are weak. And the moment I fall on the floor once more, someone offered his hand for help. It is the same hands that used to fill the spaces between mine. It is you, you come back for me.

We talked in a room. You let me explain. I don’t know if you’re listening, but I don’t care, I want to make myself clear. Again, I experienced another first. It is the first time I expressed myself truly for someone. I was not too expressive to people, there are many times when silence shows my sadness, and tears reveal how I am hurt. But you changed me. We were alone in the same room where we used to share memories. I ended up my explanation. The only thing I remember with what you said is, “…siguro pinakilala ako sa’yo ng tadhana para bigyan ka ng lesson. Pero kung tayo, tayo talaga.” And again, my sadness is replaced by silence. But I never thought silence could kill until I heard those words from you. And the hurt is substituted by tears. But I never thought tears could also kill until I saw you walked away.

You help me get up. I thought you are ready to continue and make a move. I am about to follow, but your movement is so strange. As soon as I found out, you let go of my hand, and take a step back. You leave again. Why? Why is that so?

From that moment, I realized, maybe you are right. I met you by destiny. Yes, maybe destiny used you to give me a lesson. It is painful to let go of the person you love the most. But it hurts more if that person is also the one who is giving you the reason to give up.

It is a joyous feeling to love someone.

It is fun to dance with someone.

But if the pain weighs more than love, would you still say that loving makes you happy?

But if you tripped and fell many times than gracefully swaying with the music, would you still say that dancing is fun?

I recall myself seeing you after the break up. I came back to the same place where we first met. I came to attend our friend’s birthday party. They still tease us and ask the reason why our relationship did not work. It’s just funny because laughing is the only thing we can answer to their question. I never know the exact reason why, if you know can you tell me now? The night deepens when you start talking with me. You ask few questions. The more you keep on talking with me the more they try to tease us. You sat beside me. I don’t know how to react. I never reacted. Maybe because I like talking with you too. I again saw the same eyes of yours. The same eyes that used to be mine. The same eyes that used to capture me.

I get up and held myself high; I stand up and take a deep breath. I planted a simple smile on my face. I walk across the place. And see you. You walk towards me, smiling. And the first thing I notice is the same eyes of yours.

Before something happens, I let go of the illusion. I smiled at you. I remember what you said the last time you left me, “kung tayo, tayo talaga.”

I smiled at you. You start offering your hand to me again, asking for another dance. But I realize something. My shoes are already worn out. And my feet are aching. I cannot bear to take another dance again.

So before I feel the same thing again, I bid good bye to you, and to our friends. I stand up, and look at you. The only thing I knew is I am doing the right thing. I start walking away.

So before I feel the urge to dance again, I bid good bye to you, and walk out. From then on, I never go back to that place. I thought the melancholic song and the shimmering lights faded, but they don’t. I can still hear the music, that same melancholic music; I can still see the lights, the same shimmering lights from afar, as if inviting me to dance again. But I want to stop first, so the next time we see each other, I’ll be ready.

Ready to see the same eyes that captured me, hold the same hands that filled mine, feel the arms that used to comfort me, hear the same voice that greets me in the morning, and see the same person who saw me as an imperfection yet consider me flawless.

(Screen) Name: ashesofroses

Well it all started at my freshman year winter formal. At the time I had a boyfriend but our relationship was going down the drain so anyway we were dancing and having a good time but then he told me that he had to step outside for a minute and I was left alone and as soon as he left a slow song happen to play. And I saw my friends with their dates and the rest of the school and I panicked because I had no one to dance with and as I was about to leave the dance floor I felt someone tapped my shoulder twice and when I turned around I see this black haired, light skin, tall, boy ive never seen at school before and when I looked into his beautiful blue eyes I absolutely fell in love everything felt so perfect and I honestly I never felt that feeling even with my boyfriend at the time. He softly whispered in my ear “can I dance this song with you?” And of course I didn’t refuse so we danced and he whispered in my ear again and asked my name and he said my name was beautiful and that i was too and I asked for his and I thought it was pretty unique. So my date had not return and I was starting to worry so In the middle of our slow dance I had to confess and say I came here with my boyfriend and I did and he seemed upset and he said well “it was a nice dance” then he said goodbye. The next day I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I told my friends about Him and asked if they knew him but they never heard of him. I didn’t see him since the dance so I just I forgot about him and told myself you’ll never see him again … Then sophomore year came. I was ready and happy to start the new year then I went to my classes and it was my last period which was math and of course I was always late and I saw a couple of people there then the last person who walked in was HIM! I couldn’t believe it. But I don’t think he recognized me because I changed a lot since my freshman year and one day we had to partner up in class and my teacher had chosen us and he sat next to me and he kept poking my leg and kept smiling at me and Saying my legs were soft. I just smiled back then we started talking. And after class he ran up behind me and grabbed my hat and ran off with it then he came back and returned it and we started talking about our lives and how he plays guitar and I just fell in love even more. So later on that year we hung out a lot and ditched classes together and just go behind the school and talk. I founf out we shared the same passion for music. I love listneing to oldies and he does too. We just connected so much. He asked me to go to the movies with him. Then a couple days later he asked me to prom then a month later, last day before we went on spring break we shared our first kiss together and all I felt was butterfly’s and It was just perfect. Another month passes by, he asked me to be his girlfriend. So it was the end of the year and we were together for three months at this point and I found out I was going to spend my junior year at a continuation school called Montecito due to my bad grades. We were both scared because we thought we wouldn’t see eachother often and were known as the “clingiest couple” at school. It’s pretty funny I guess. A fee weeks past and j got a phone call from him and said “babe I’m going to that school with you!” I was shocked and I said “no you can’t spend your senior year at Montecito!” And he said “I don’t care all I want is to spend it with you” for three days I tried convincing him not to but he didn’t listen. So I spent my whole junior year with him. We did everythig together. When we were together for 7 months we said “I love you” then when we were together for 9 months we both lost our virginities together. He was 17 and I was 16. His birthday was two weeks away so I have him a early birthday present. Well during my junior year we went through a lot of battles together but we seemed to fix things, move on and love eachother. I messed up a lot and he did too. But we forgave eachother and kept loving eachother no matter what. We were too much in love to lose eachother. Well we we recently broke up. We were together for a 1 year and 3 months. A lot of stuff happened and it just wasnt working out. We talked recently about our break up and we are good. We’re mutual. And we still love eachother very much but right now were good as just staying friends and it honestly brings me great joy that we are in good terms instead of holding grudges and not talking. So that’s my first teenage love…

(Screen) Name: AudyApples