We’ve known each other since we were young. We were said to be family friends. We see each other during family gatherings and other parties. Years passed, we grew up as teens and we became lovers. I was in junior high school then and he just entered college. He lives miles away from where I am. He used to drive 9 hours from his hometown just to see me for a day or two.

Nobody knew about us except his relatives and my sisters. I used to deny our relationship because my parents doesn’t want him to be my boyfriend even though we’re said to have this “family connection” since their family was known to be boastful and arrogant.

Everything started with just a joke — with some sort of teasing; a few sweet messages, a few calls and a few “getting-to-know-each-other” sessions. We even never had a serious date with just the two of us unless we celebrated our second year anniversary as boyfriend-girlfriend. Despite all the rumors and the walls between us, we still find ways to see each other even just for a night. He often visit me once a month. He rides a bus during the day just to see me that night, and goes home at sunrise. We used to sneak out just to ease the feeling of missing each other so much.

After four years of having a serious and intimate relationship at a very young age, I became pregnant. My parents and his parents never knew about it not until I was carrying the baby for four months already. We couldn’t hide it for too long because my tummy is growing bigger and bigger and I could not continue my studies. And so, we decided to let them know as soon as possible.

I rode a bus from my place to where he works. His parents met us there. We talked and decided to let my parents know with their presence. But everything turned out very different. His aunt called my father and told him about it. My father told my mom and together, they went to the place where we stayed. His parents went home and left us. When my parents arrived, I was so scared. I didn’t know what to do. I heard my father’s footsteps and I was surprised that my mom came rushing and hit me with her fist. That was hard that I thought I was gonna lose my child. She hit my tummy and my father held her hands telling her to stop for they can do nothing but to accept what happened. I really can’t understand how I felt that time. I was looking for my partner but he wasn’t there. He left me. He didn’t even go out of his room to check me out and protect me. I was looking for someone to be my side, and nobody’s there. I really wished I’d die that day. I cried so hard until the sun’s up.

I lived with my partner away from our parents during my pregnancy. I should be happy but it was totally the opposite of what I hoped to be. I caught him cheating on me. I felt so down to the point that I always call my best friends just to have an outlet.

A few months after, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I thought it would be the start of our “happy ever after” but it turned out to be the start of our “bitter days.” I was sent home — very far away from him. He only touched his son for two weeks. We weren’t able to spend our Christmas together, and New Year and Valentine’s Day. We saw each other again during our son’s baptism. That was the first time he saw his child after birth.

Without me knowing, he was very hurt and became very ill. He became too thin and he diverted his attention to lots of work and a few dolls (girls). I asked myself, ‘How could I survive this kind of relationship?’ I decided not to ask him about it but I let him feel that I know something. Months passed and everything went out right. But it didn’t stayed that long. Maybe because of my trauma of him having third party, I want our communication to be very constant. I call at least twice a week and i send him SMS very often. It seems like he doesn’t want what I’m doing. I can’t understand. Our bond starts to loosen and time came that I’ve heard a lot of issues about him. It even came to the point that he denied what I saw.

I felt betrayed. It’s like I was the only one loving.

I found a way to ease the pain. My best friends and my son were my only outlets. I go out frequently with them and I hang out with my classmates everywhere. Time came that I felt numb for everything. I get used of hearing negative things. I was tired of all the issues. I don’t listen to his lame excuses. I didn’t isolate myself. We broke up. I was deeply hurt yet I have moved on.

Two years after, I found someone. I like him and I love him. He’s married with three kids and on his annulment process. He promised me to wait for three years and within that, we’ll be legally together and we’ll build a family of our own.

We’re together for almost a year now and I feel so lucky that still, I found someone like him. Though he has kids on his first marriage, he was like the answers to my prayers. I prayed for someone who can understand me — someone who knows what I’m going through; someone who can relate and someone who can love me like I wanted to.

Now, we were still waiting for his annulment and has planned to settle with my child and his children after his legal separation with his wife, in God’s time.

(Screen) Name: mustNOTbeNAMED

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