A Mother’s Love
The first person I ever laid eyes on was my mother. I can only imagine myself as an infant being held in her soft and gentle brown arms, as I looked up, thinking how beautiful, adoring her more and more as I got to know her. I sit back and reminisce on all the things she taught me, all the times she made me laugh, the times she looked in my eyes and knew what was wrong before a tear had a chance to drop. I always felt so safe no matter what I was going through in my life, and the moment I saw her I knew it would be o.k. She would have words that came from a place of power, a spiritual place that was so kind, and so loving. I watched her like a hawk, I wanted what she had. I began to imitate how she walked, how she talked, checking out the company she kept, observing her every move, I knew it was something special about her and the best part was, she was as funny as can be.
As I started growing up becoming a young women she became my best friend, although I had friends that I loved very much, when it came to it, she was my confidant, I was able to talk to her about any and every thing, sometimes she just lessoned, and sometimes she gave her advice, that was what was so amazing about her, she knew just what I needed. It was because of her that I am the women, and the mother I am today.
I never knew my mother to complain or be sick, but on December26, the day after Christmas she passed away. I remember my sister and I met at my mother’s house to celebrate the holiday. My mother insisted we be home with our own families on Christmas day. We arrived about eleven o’clock that mourning, she sat us all down and distributed the gifts she had for each of us. The plan was for us to go shopping so she could get all the grandchildren coats, then go out to dinner. We all began to bundle up and start the journey, there were three adults and three children; my sisters two girls, and my son Michael, her only grandson, who was the splinting image of her, as I was, together we looked like triplets. We thought we had to take two separate cars that day, however, again mom insisted we all squeeze in one car, and that’s just what we did. We arrived at Burlington coat factory, my mother new exactly what coats she wanted for the children, she went to each department and made her choice. There was one coat left to get, and it was not available, we thought, she ask the store clerk, as she responded “I’m sorry Mam we don’t have any of those left” my mother said “yes you do”, my sister and I looked at mommy as if she was crazy, thinking, ok this women who works here just said there are no more, what is mommy talking about. I then saw my mother walking as if she was in the store all alone, we all followed calling her “mom where are you going,” “mom we can go to another store, “she never answered and never turned around. She never hesitated on which direction to go, she made turn after turn as if she was in a maze knowing exactly how to get out. She ended up in the men’s coat department, walked over to the rack and pulled out a red little girls pee coat. We were all in shock. My sister and I always knew my mom was special; however, this was what I can only describe as conformation that there was truly a hallow over her head. We never spoke of it once we left. It was so cold, so my sister went to the parking lot to get the car while mom and I along with the children stood in front of the store, I can still feel her touch as she rubbed her hand on the side of my face saying “baby, mommy loves you so much.” Never a day went by when she did not tell me that, but this time, this day it was different, and I knew it, I just didn’t know why, we looked in each other’s eyes as if we were in love for the very first time, and I said to her “Oh Mommy, I love you too, so much,” we held hands until my sister came around with the car. We drove about four or five blocks to Red Lobster, by this time we were all very excited and very hungry. We pulled up in the driveway of their parking lot laughing historically about a joke mommy was telling, and she lied her head back, I began to see blood come out of the side of her mouth, I did not scream because I was directly be hide her, so with a soft cry I said “I’m afraid, Lord, please help me.” I looked over at my sister and it was as if she was frozen, I looked at the children and they were frozen too, as if time stopped, and everyone with it, except for me. The next thing I knew I was outside of the car on my knees, lifting my head up and running in the restaurant screaming for someone to help us. When the ambulance came the car doors were still locked, my sister had to let them in, they took mom out of the car and laid her on the cold ground, ripping her clothes of her chest area, exposing her breast. Then they took her away, the staff in the restaurant took the children and gave them all ice-cream to get them away from the scene. When we got to the hospital the doctors explained to us that mom had a massive heart attack and it was nothing they could do.
We all drove back home, which was about an hour away in complete silence, when we arrived it was about two o’clock in the morning. She was gone; the love of my life, my best friend, my mom, my angle was gone. As I stepped out the car something came over me, I began to get excited, I immediately started knocking on the doors of the neighbors houses, saying “she’s gone, my mother is gone,” almost like I was delivery the daily paper. People starting coming out and before I knew the house was full of family and friends. I went through her rolodex and started calling everyone, one by one, I don’t even think I looked at the names, I just dialing numbers, saying “she’s gone my mom I gone,” my life has never been the same since that day. Well, my son Michael grew up, to be a fine young man, each day looking more and more like mommy, I did end up having two other children one girl and one boy. He was just like mommy, special; it never was a day that went pass without him telling me how much he loved me. He was the one, and only one, other than mom that made me feel as if I could do anything. He was the one that kept me strong; it was because of him that I fought each day to live. I was the first person he laid his big brown eyes on, looking up at me as if I was the so beautiful. He laid in my soft and gentle brown arms, adoring me more and more, I became his best friend, and now he is gone too. Unfortunately I was not there when Michael died; he passed away in a car accident when he was twenty-four years old. I was home alone when I got the call, and ran into the bathroom shut the door and screamed as loud as I could. As I looked up to the sky through my skylight I saw a huge rainbow I must have sat there for hours just sitting until it disappeared.
It is only the love of a mother, that love my mother gave me, and the love I gave and received from Michael that I have been able to endure the pain and heartache, because in the end love does truly concur all.
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